Most of the women that I know, I have met and who I coach, don’t feel beautiful in their skin or believe they’re good enough in their relationship.
We place high expectations on ourselves to look a certain way and dare I say, mainly for men. Sure, we love to take care of ourselves, but ultimately, we secretly care more about what men think about how we look and some of us use men’s approval to try to fill a huge hole within.
Why do we do this? Because we have a fear of loss – we are afraid that our man will leave us or cheat with another woman who might be better. And so we tend to compare ourselves to other women, which only makes us feel insecure and jealous.
Thankfully, I’ve reached a point in my life that I no longer put my self-worth into the hands of a man or worry about what they think about my appearance. I eat healthy, and I workout and look after myself because it feels good and I need the energy to do the things I desire in this world. The after effects of looking after yourself such as glowing skin and a tighter tush are just an added bonus but do not run my life.
It’s freedom to live this way – but it did take work.
If you’ve been neglecting yourself lately and feeling a little insecure, use the tips below to start feeling good enough in your relationship because when you feel amazing about yourself, your partner will agree with you!
1. RECONNECT WITH YOUR HOBBIES
When we’re in a relationship we can easily forget about ourselves and before we know it we’ve lost our identity and depend on our partner for just about everything. Usually, when we have lost our identity we start to feel insecure and crappy about ourselves. This is a sign that you need to get back to YOU & continue to participate in hobbies that bring you joy. Join a dance class; take a cooking class. Hobbies are where you build a relationship with yourself and don’t entirely depend on your man to fulfil your personal needs. Other ways in which you can reconnect with yourself; Journaling is an amazing way to understand yourself and feel peace. You can write out your frustrations or random thoughts and prayers to shift your energy. Spend more time outside, take a long bath full of lavender salts, read a good book with a glass of rosé, treat yourself to a fancy coffee, buy yourself flowers, do yoga, bake healthy cookies, or hang out with a friend that makes you feel happy. Take as much ME time as you can so you can feel happier about yourself, which in turn will make him happy and ultimately create more stability in your relationship.
2. THINK PRETTY
It’s easy to get caught up with the negativity and focus on everything that’s wrong about you. This is when you need to switch the channel in your mind over to the good things about yourself, and it may take some effort to retrain yourself to focus on the qualities you do have instead of what you don’t have. What are some things that you do like about yourself? What have you accomplished so far? Dig deep and figure out the reasons why he loves YOU and know that he has chosen you for those reasons. Praise the things you like about yourself: every time you pick yourself apart, stop and start admiring the things you love and fill your mind with pretty thoughts. Create a mantra and say it daily!
Stop comparing yourself to the Instagram models or anyone else if it makes you feel depressed and taxing on your self-esteem. Don’t be afraid to unfollow the ‘Perfect Picture’ gals and focus more on people who inspire you & make you want to better yourself in natural and healthy positive ways. You could also try changing your perspective when you see a ‘beautiful’ woman, but don’t compare yourself to them & think how better they look, instead, appreciate their beauty while also appreciating yours! Know that most women lack self-esteem and feel they aren’t good enough. And although it’s easy to compare ourselves to others, it often helps to know that others compare themselves to you, too. And yes, even that pretty girl you’ve got your eye on is also secretly struggling.
4. SPEND TIME WITH BADASS BABES
Surround yourself with girlfriends who see you better than you see yourself. If you’re finding it difficult in this moment to give love to yourself, reach out to a good friend and express how you feel. Revealing your feelings is the beginning of healing. Hiding your hurts or insecurities only intensifies them. Know that no one is perfect. You never know, your friend may be going through the same thing and you have unknowingly helped them. Getting love from those who care about you when you don’t feel like caring about yourself will help cheer you up and remember why you are worthy and needed in this world
5. SCREW PERFECTION
We women are so hard on ourselves. Perfection is the killer of self-worth and trying to be perfect will get you nowhere. There is no such thing as perfectionism – it’s an illusion keeping you from feeling secure within yourself. Instead of focusing on perfection, accept who you are, let go of past mistakes (we all make them!), stop picking on yourself and do and be your best every day. You are worthy of love. You are loveable. You are desirable. You are beautiful exactly as you are, right now, today, without altering a thing…you are purely beautiful in your own way.
P.S. 22 Affirmations to Help You Overcome Self-Doubt