We can agree that on some level in the last few months we’ve all been in a tough place emotionally, and mentally, in our own way. And has brought up a lot of feelings – judgemental feelings more so.
We’ve spent a lot of time at home and with our own thoughts which has brought us face to face with our unhealed trauma, behaviours, heartbreak, past stuff, or how we’ve dissociated from our truth.
Maybe you’re beating yourself up for gaining weight, or you have a record player in your head that’s rooted in sad negative thoughts and you know you should be more positive, or you’re single and feeling lonelier than ever which is triggering the “I’m not enough” belief, or you’re experiencing fear and anxiety.
Whatever it may be, you don’t have to love or like everything about yourself. However, it’s easier if we can accept it – self-acceptance right where you stand today.
Because when we don’t invite acceptance in, we get stuck internally by judging ourselves. And you might be thinking, “Irene, I can’t love that part of me who is single and feels lonely,” “Irene, I can’t love that part of me who thinks she’s ugly and doesn’t have the confidence to do what is best for her”, “Irene, I can’t love that part of me who’s experiencing anxiety and fear.”
I hear you. And your feelings are valid. Just don’t stay there as it can cause neurochemical chaos in the brain. When we fight with these feelings all that does is create more judgement. The more you shame it the more it’s there. What we feed grows. And all you’re doing is perpetuating the energy it’s riding on.
I’ll use myself as an example; over the past year I’ve been having some skin issues – acne/ eczema/dermatitis on my face. This has been so foreign to me because I’ve never experienced such a thing, I’ve always had clear skin.
I made my choice.
After doing much emotional release work, I knew I didn’t want to keep recycling these emotions, and it was time to bring in self-acceptance. Did I like it? No. But there was no point in me fighting with it because clearly, I wasn’t getting get rid of it by judging.
I am telling you this story because I want you to understand that…
Anything that you’re dealing with right now that you’re judging, that you don’t like, an aspect of yourself, a personality characteristic, a physical thing, a situational thing, even with what’s going on in the world, you don’t have to like it, but be open to accepting it. Every letdown is a spiritual teacher in disguise.
All of these different aspects of us want to be accepted. If you can recognise it and say, “Oh, there’s the critical part of me, I see it’s here, I accept this part of me, what does this part of me need? Or is there anything I could give this part so it’s not so loud right now?”
Most of us try to change ourselves by shaming it by making it wrong and just hating. But as you know that doesn’t work.
💗 You can accept to not be where you want to be in your love life and still be kind to yourself
💗 You can accept to not be where you want to be financially and still be kind to yourself.
💗 You can accept that you have low self confidence and still be kind to yourself.
💗 You can accept that you don’t look the way you want right now and still be kind to yourself.
💗 You can accept that you have anxiety and fear and still be kind to yourself.
So you want to acknowledge, give comfort, and then find that exit route.
It’s okay to be exactly where you’re at. You are precisely where you need to be at this moment in your life, even if it doesn’t feel like it does.
However, don’t confuse self acceptance with giving up – very different.
Giving up looks like, “I m never going to find love,” “I’m never going to make money,” “I’m never going to have confidence,” “I’m never going to have clear skin again.” “I’ll never be able to lose weight,” so why bother?
Self-acceptance is, “This is where I am, I might not like it, but I accept it and I’ll stop fighting against it and move with it.”
And until you accept what’s in front of you, navigate it, heal it, and learn lessons from it, it will probably keep growing OR continue to drive you crazy.
When we invite acceptance we also then make room to invite new empowering thoughts or a different way, or a different perspective.
The ability to be able to respond and not react keeps us on the empowered path. And empowerment is a big part of acceptance.
Here a 3 tips to inspire you to be more patient with yourself…..
1. Accept who you are and where you are.
Ask yourself, “What do I really need in this moment?” When you accept it, you can see it more clearly. When you shame it or fight it or judge it, there’s no where to go. It’s like being in a boxing ring and you’re the only one fighting with yourself.
2. Take responsibility for your healing.
Look at your triggers and patterns. One thing that keeps you out of self love is being in victim mode. Yes, sometimes we have been victimised, and you have my full compassion, and it’s important to do emotional release work, however, if you continue relating to yourself as a victim you are perpetuating the belief that you don’t have the ability to survive and thrive. Taking responsibility sounds like this, “Yes I’ve been hurt. I’ve had shitty things happen to me. There were times where I had no power or choice but now, I love myself enough to take my power back, to take responsibility, and look at things in a more empowering way.”
At certain points, you have to decide, “You know what? I don’t know what tomorrow brings, so I’m choosing to like myself – I’m deserving of taking care of myself.” And one way to take really good care of yourself is to observe where your thoughts are at. Are they coming from an empowered place? If not, ask yourself, “Okay. Who’s voice is that? Is it my ex boyfriend? Mum? Dad? Friend?” Once you discover who’s voice it is, say to yourself, “I return these thoughts with love back to you…this program of thinking does not belong to me.”And then, ask yourself, “What do I really need to hear?”
When you were little what was the ONE thing you wanted to hear most from your mum or dad?
I see you.
I believe you.
I am here for you always.
You are enough.
You are worthy.
You are so loved.
Whatever it is, say these things to yourself. Mother yourself in a way that is nurturing to you.
Be gentle with your inner critic when it pops up. You are human. You are not going to love everything about yourself at all times. And that is okay.
The moral of the story is, we can not always control what happens to us but we can control how we treat ourselves, and what we make things mean.
May you find your own rhythm of accepting where you’re at, and being more gentle with yourself.
I hope those tips are helpful! Try them out, and feel free to let me know what happens!”