how to be more patient, loving, and kind to yourself

We are at a time where we don’t love ourselves and didn’t even know it for some time.

Now, before we get started, who am I to guide you on this subject? Well, on my journey of hating myself, I discovered healing, and through healing I found a way to love myself….because if I wanted to live (as dramatic as it sounds) this was my only way.

And I’m so glad I did. Now that I’m on the other side, I want to encourage you and let you know that it’s more than possible to love yourself. And so, I have the authority to teach about self love.

Does it mean that my life is perfect? No. Does it mean that I’m perfect? No. Does it mean I stop trying to better my life? No. Does it mean I stop trying to become the woman God created me to be? No.

It means that I honor my body, mind, heart, spirit and emotions to the best of my ability.

Moving forward.

What I see many people throwing around is, “You just have to love yourself and everything else around you will change positively.” Uh, yes, but what does that exactly look like and how does one begin to do that when they hate themselves?

It’s not helpful to tell someone at the start of their self love journey to just find something to love themselves, it’s like telling someone to do bungee jumping straight away when they’re scared of heights.

And this is where Self Love Junkie comes in, because the roots of your incapacity to love yourself run deep. And for some, this wiring of the brain began since infancy.

We move slowly and strategically.

Perhaps you are being hard on yourself for not finding love yet, or you haven’t lost that weight yet, or you’re taking a long time to heal and you feel you should be faster, or you feel guilty for going back to your ex, or you’re experiencing another heartbreak, or you can’t set healthy boundaries, or you can’t stand up for yourself, or you keep wishing you had done ‘it’ differently in the past, whatever the case may be, you’re not letting yourself off the hook.

I do believe you have to reach an expiration date of deciding to reduce your inner critic no matter what and attend to your wounds that need healing. And that may look like seeking out some trauma healing or therapy or coaching. I never said it will be easy. But this is where the mama bear inside you needs to come out and nurture yourself.

And then…

stop scrolling
turn off the TV
put the magazine down
block your ears from opinions
and saturate your mind and spirit with spiritual inspiration.

If you feel you are too caught up in not liking yourself, and the thought of trying to find something to love yourself is currently too far fetched, move out of your own way by being kind and loving to others.

My spiritual coach taught me to be the source of the very thing that I want in my life. So if you want love, you be the most loving version of you with everyone you meet.

If you want to be more patient and kind to yourself, go and volunteer at a rehabilitation facility and be patient, kind, and loving to those people.

So what this looks like is, you are BEING the source of the very thing you’re desiring in your life. And watch what happens.

Okay, here are some coping strategies when you can’t seem to pull yourself out of this self hate funk.

1. Think of someone you know who could really use some love, patience, and kindness. Then think of creative ways you can show this act of love & kindness to this person—and do it. I guarantee you will feel a beautiful sense of fulfillment and joy afterward.

2. Play with imagination. What if you forgot that you’re not the person who is not loving, kind, or patient with themselves? What is the best case scenario? What advice would your future self (or higher self) give to you? How would she encourage you? What would she say on how to care of yourself? FEEL that. There is life force there. If you feel like you can’t, you are stuck in your head. So in that case do something active to move that energy out of your body and don’t feel bad for not feeling it.

3. Meditate. Meditate on some spiritual text. And ask God to reveal your blocks to self love. Begin your prayers with “Thank you.” Thank you God for helping me through this trial. Please turn me into that person who can become wiser and stronger from this challenging situation.” If you can’t sit with your own voice and prefer a guided meditation try Headspace and choose one that currently resonates with you.

4. Breath work to get out of your head and into your heart with the 4-7-8 breathing technique. This involves breathing in for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds. This breathing pattern aims to reduce anxiety and/or helps with better sleep. Watch this video to understand more.

Overall, you can’t cover up your self hate with exercises like “I love……about myself” and expect your life around you to change positively just like that.

So what if today you gave yourself permission to not beat yourself up for anything? To take all of that compassion, wisdom, and kindness that you’d give to someone else and apply it to yourself.

What if that all the steps and missteps that you’ve taken on your journey had meaning and were guiding you to the place where you can forgive yourself, honor the lessons, and grow in love for yourself so that you can teach self love to your kids, a friend, a stranger or a family member?

What if you were patient, loving, and kind to yourself, what would that look or sound like to you?

I hope you can give the love and kindness to yourself very soon.


Was this helpful? If so… I’ve got an eBook with empowering question prompts and soul action exercises — just like the one in this article. You can sign up and read anytime. Check it out!