After countless weddings, baby showers, and bridal parties you start throwing yourself a pity party asking when is this going to happen to me? When am I going to have my big day? And then the panic sets in, when am I going to meet my soulmate? Does my soulmate even exist?
And if you spend one more Friday night watching romantic comedies, eating another pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream, or have one more person ask you why you’re still single, you’re going to lose your sh*t.
It’s not that you’re desperate, or wanting someone to save you, no. You just want to share your life with someone, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The need for a partnership is a primal need; we humans are not designed to be alone for long periods of time.
What seems like a lifetime, many of us have been searching for our soulmate. Blame fairy tales, and the idea of Prince Charming who had us from when we were little girls.
Fast-forward, you discover the search for the beloved can be a painful and confusing journey. Most of us wait to be ‘chosen’ to feel loved, worthy, valuable, and desirable. And when we have yet to find ‘the one’ we think “there must be something wrong with me,” right?
It’s not so much about the search for the soulmate, it’s more about the search for yourself. It’s all about the woman you’re becoming in between the moments and the seasons of waiting and hoping that love is out there for you too.
And I can tell you; love is out there for you. I’ve had dysfunctional relationships; great relationships; I’ve made some mistakes, and I’ve learned from them all. So what you’re reading I’m not just making it up or taking it straight from a textbook. This is stuff I’ve practiced and learned.
One love myth that I would like to bust is, we’ve been told that there is this ONE person out of 7 billion people in this world that is your soulmate and going to fulfill all of your needs. And if you don’t find this one person, then you probably just missed out, or you’re not part of the blessed ones, or it’s because you probably screwed up along the way while you were too busy partying, or focusing on your career, or wasting your time in the wrong relationships.
The universe is abundant and there are many people with whom you can find happiness and fulfilment. As you learn and grow, you attract according to your current vibe and consciousness.
Your energy and intentions play a major role.
So no more lack mentality. Ok? Good.
Let’s start with these 5 key tips on how to find real love.
1. Make love to life
The first step for sure is to find a way to be happy without a partner. If you’re not happy now as a single person, being in a relationship or getting married is definitely not going to make you happy. Your own happiness is what’s going to make your relationship happy. If you are feeling that you need a partner, then your energy of needing someone in your life will be projected by you onto those you meet, and for many people, that kind of energy is not attractive and pushes people away. Create a fun and love-filled life where someone would love to join you. With your loving, positive and happy vibe, it is inconceivable to me that you will not be in a meaningful relationship.
2. Be a loving partner to everybody
So once you have found a way to be happy without a partner, how are you interacting with other people in your life? If you want a beautiful and loving relationship, then you must offer a beautiful and loving version of yourself to those around you. In other words, are you presenting yourself to others in a loving, kind, and fun way? Be a loving partner to everyone in ways that are appropriate to you of course, and allow them to experience what it would feel like to be in a caring and loving relationship with you. What you are doing here is sending out a signal, one where it is so attractive and magnetic to which all people gravitate.
3. Be amongst the crowd
You obviously have to be amongst people, you can’t be sitting in your apartment doing Netflix binges all of the time and never getting out. It’s important to engage in life because people are not going to come knocking on your door. You need to get out and about. And if you are doing that already, tell your friends, family, and anyone you meet that you are available and looking for a relationship. Be open to the idea of people setting you up. There is nothing wrong with that. Get involved in your favorite activities, hobbies, sign up to dating apps, or join a church meeting. Be creative and don’t wonder ‘how’ you are going to meet this person; we cannot fathom how God and the universe bring two people into alignment! Your job is to listen to your intuition.
4. Be real. Be you
If you want a real relationship with someone, you have to reveal your true self. We usually put our best foot forward at the start of dating in hopes of being liked because we fear that if we show all parts of ourselves then we will not be loved. I have learned that people really want to know who you are, completely, not just when you’re being at your best. They want to know what is the real you like?
If you feel that you have to be perfect in order to have someone love you, you will continue to put up a mask and hide your true self. If you feel on some level that you’re not good enough or beautiful enough or feel too wounded or whatever it is, you will want to hide and subconsciously put up a wall making it hard to have a heart-to-heart connection with someone. And so you are going to attract similar partners to your past or someone who is not genuine. There is no such thing as being perfect in order to have someone love you. The right person will love all of you, both the parts you are proud of and the parts you are not. So be you.
If you are waiting to have all of your stuff figured out before you put yourself out there, it’s really just a way to stay safe, and not be judged, and therefore not put yourself out there. Remember, you will never be perfect because you are a human being.
5. Your love beliefs
There’s plenty of research that explains our mind is connected to the body and the body is connected to our mind: Our beliefs, thoughts, and emotions can either have a positive or a negative effect on our body. So your beliefs become your body which then affects the body’s physical functioning.
For example; what happens when you watch a sad movie? Notice what happens to your body…you start to cry. And what happens when you find something funny? You start to laugh. What happens when you believe that there are no good men (or women) out there to marry? You will not find a good man to marry.
So whatever your mind believes, perceives and experiences is sent to your entire body, and as a result, your physical wellness is a response to your thoughts and emotions, and your behaviour supports your current belief system.
Write down all your beliefs around love. For example, before meeting my husband one of my beliefs were, “I don’t relate to the men in my city and so I will never meet my romantic partner here.” The other one was, “I’m afraid I’ll lose my freedom.” So make a list of all your beliefs and see where you might be limiting yourself.
Moral of the story, believe that there isn’t someone special out there for you and so it is. Believe that there is someone special out there for you and so it is!