What do you do when you realize that you no longer vibe with your girlfriend? Neither of you are who you used to be, (or you have changed and they haven’t) and you no longer have so much in common.
Should you keep trying to be friends? Or how do you let go of someone without offending him or her and causing a scene?
Anything that is forced beyond the expiry date of a friendship does not serve anyone. Just like a romantic relationship, we tend to believe that all friendships are supposed to last a lifetime, but life goes through a constant process of seasonal change and so do we – either we grow together or we grow apart. If we let go of a relationship with lessons in hand, then it has served its purpose.
When you no longer resonate with a friend, letting go can be difficult and lonely, but it can also make room for someone new to enter your life – one where you can feel more nourished, more alive, and most importantly, stay true to who you are.
I had a friend, let’s call her Leanne, we shared a lot of laughter, fun, and similar interests. As time went by, I moved overseas and would only see her on the occasion when I visited home for the holidays. After 10 years of being away, I moved back home and we both had very different lives and experiences.
Leanne had chosen the path of marrying her high school sweetheart, the babies, and the white picket fence story (not that there’s anything wrong with that), me, on the other hand, was single, no kids, had gone through many heartbreaks and other challenging situations, travelled, and I was on the conscious path.
I realized we no longer had much in common, but Leanne wanted to pick up where we left. So I tried because I genuinely cared for her and didn’t want to hurt her feelings. But things got a little messy and the friendship did not go down the path she had hoped and so it ended.
Leanne had this vision of me being in her life forever, getting married and having babies at the same time, but the reality was, my life was not unfolding in this way. We were on two different paths and my clock did not match hers.
If I had honored my feelings at the beginning, I would have saved us both from heartache. What makes things difficult and confusing for some people is to realize that you have changed and that not all friendships are going to go in the direction of one’s vision.
When we can understand that change is part of life and necessary for the highest good of everyone, then we will have an easier time in letting go with more grace. Everyone is on their own unique path and growing at different rates. Some of us are on the conscious path and others are not. And this is neither wrong or right – it just is.
So what do you do when you no longer vibe with your girlfriend? Should you still try to be friends?
As hard as it is to accept, this may be the time to say goodbye so that you can start attracting a circle of friends who nurture and inspire you during this point of time in your life. No matter how conscious or positive you are, when you continue to hang out with people you don’t feel good around, eventually, you will spiral down, lose your sparkle and become disempowered on your path.
As Jim Rohn says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
You might be feeling scared because letting go may mean that you won’t have anyone to hang out with on the weekends. This might be the case at the beginning, however, if your relationship is draining and you no longer share the same values, then how is it benefiting you or your life by remaining friends?
If you want to fulfill your life purpose and experience more happiness, in every moment you need to ask yourself, “Is this hindering me or helping me?”
If you’re ready to let go of your friendship here is your first step to help get you started without having to create any drama:
1. HAVE A HEART TO HEART
If you genuinely love your friend, you most probably are afraid of hurting her feelings and you might be tempted to slowly delay in answering her texts or phone calls as your way of escape. She may get the hint and eventually, the friendship may fade. But this can also go the other way; she may try harder and text you more often so she doesn’t lose you. The problem with doing it this way, there is no closure or healing, and there is a possibility of having them pop back into your life in the future so that the energy can be cleared between you.
Or you can approach the situation with grace and make the time to sit face to face (no phone or text messages) and have that difficult but honest conversation to express your deepest feelings to your friend. What I’ve learned is, speak your truth, but soothe your words with peace.
Do not tell her what she’s doing or not doing, as they might get offended. For example, you may say something like; “I thank you for the friendship we’ve had and I will treasure our time together. But I feel we are now both on different paths, there are no hard feelings but I need to honor my feelings and so I’m choosing to end our friendship.” If saying the last sentence is too difficult for you, you can also try, “there are no hard feelings, but I feel that we need a break…”
If they ask why you can gently explain to her from your perspective of what is not going right, and that you need to respect yourself enough to follow this guidance.
2. GET CLEAR ON YOUR NEW BESTIE
Since you have an understanding as to what you don’t want in a friendship, now is the time to get clear on the type of friend that you do want. Write down her qualities and how you would like to FEEL when you’re around her.
Where might you meet her? What do you need to do to attract someone like this in your life? Check out meetup.com and join groups to expand your social network! This is a great way to meet new people.
In addition, have a weekly date with yourself where you go to places that you enjoy. Yes, it may feel awkward at first doing things on your own, but you will soon find out how exhilarating it can feel, too. And you might just be surprised and make a new friend! Just make sure you’re approachable, put down your phone, smile and practice saying “hello” to strangers!
Are you currently trying to let go of a friendship you no longer vibe with? Comment below!