How to let go of anger when you've been hurt

Holding onto anger and resentment can bring a lot of negative energies in our lives. It can also take a toll on our emotional well-being, mental health & sense of peace.

If you are on the conscious path, you may have made a resolution this new year to be more forgiving and more positive.

But it’s no secret that forgiving is hard. Letting go of anger and resentment can often be easier said than done because we are human beings and therefore we need all the help we can get.

The best way to break free from this anger is to forgive those who hurt you so that you can regain your peace. I know, crazy right? Even though you may be justified in feeling resentment and anger, you are only punishing yourself by carrying toxic low vibe emotions that are interfering with your energy & health.

Look at forgiveness this way, you agree with yourself that you are no longer willing to carry around pain in response to someone else’s bad behavior.

As a matter of fact, just recently I was upset with a couple of people; one who made a comment that hurt me and the other person’s bad behavior. Now in hindsight, their behavior had nothing to do with me personally and all about them & their insecurities.

However, when we are triggered by others behavior it’s easy to react because one; we’re human beings and two; we’re wired to protect ourselves.

I’m continuously practicing that I can’t change how others act toward me, but I can change how I react to them. And it’s conscious work to not let anyone be the reason your mood changes and have a “bad day.”

But hello – with all due respect for those who like the concept: “Don’t take anything personally, because nothing is personal.” From a spiritual standpoint, I understand where that idea is coming from, but like I said before, we are human beings living in a world where, to put it bluntly, people can just pee us off with their unnecessary remarks & bad behaviors.

Why can’t people just be kind? It sounds so easy, right? Well, not everyone is on the conscious path & some don’t even want to be.

Okay, so let’s talk about how we can let go of anger and resentment.

The healthy way to let go of anger and resentment is to:

STEP ONE:

Not push down your triggers. Allow yourself to feel how you’re currently feeling. It’s only natural & healthy to express all kinds of emotions & feelings. Try to just be with this experience & not blame anyone, including yourself! Once you’ve given yourself permission to feel all of your feelings, you can then tell yourself that no one has the power to make you feel anything & that you’ve decided to give back the words & actions to this person now as they don’t belong to you.

STEP TWO: 

Do an inventory. Sort out what is your stuff & what is their stuff. Ask yourself if any of your triggers had to do with past childhood wounds? Did someone in the past have an impact on you? Parent, family member? Past relationship? Friends? School teacher? You? An event or situation? If so, acknowledge to yourself without shame that you are sensitive to these situations. Own what’s yours, take responsibility, be gentle with yourself & if need be get some therapy and/or coaching.

STEP THREE: 

Communicate. If possible and if it’s safe and if you feel that you won’t create a third world war, let the other person know how their behavior impacted you. You may feel hurt, embarrassed, disrespected, uncomfortable, humiliated and you are worthy enough to communicate your feelings & to speak out. If you don’t feel comfortable or it’s not possible to open up to this person, then you can do this energetically with a visualization exercise below. You need to be really open to this though.

STEP FOUR:

Be open to release. Every relationship we encounter, friendship, romantic, relative etc, our hearts get connected by an energetic cord and we need to be cutting these cords. So let’s do this visualization – Close your eyes and in your minds eye, on an energetic level, call upon the person you want to talk with, see them standing in front of you, and begin to tell them exactly how you feel. Get everything off your chest. Now, see this cord in your mind connecting the two of you. Then call upon Spirit to help you…see a big pair of golden scissors, cut the cord(s) from your body now. By cutting the energetic cord, you’ll feel the release of negative energy leave your body and allow you to move forward without the toxic weight of resentment & anger that is no longer serving you.

STEP FIVE:

Just imagine with empathy. Visualize that this person has a 5-year-old child within them who are wounded and in need of desperate love. And know this, every person walking around is carrying their inner child who has been wounded in some way & dealing with their own insecurities and fears. Once upon a time, they were a beautiful sweet baby but along the way somewhere, something happened to them.

When you find yourself in moments where you need to calm yourself asap, there is an exercise I learned years ago that has also been really helpful: Take each finger to your thumb while closing your eyes and saying … Peace. Begins. With. Me.

In doing these steps, owning what’s yours, communicating your feelings, releasing negative energy, and learning to react with peace is providing yourself with a calming & optimistic environment for EVERYONE around you.

In conclusion, we can’t successfully move on from resentment without bringing in guidance from a higher power because our personal love is filled with our hurts and wounds. We are spiritual beings on a human journey and when we secretly pray for the people who hurt us, putting ego aside and inviting God’s pure unconditional love into these situations, magic happens.

These steps take practice and you may need to do them more than once. However, with practice comes progress, (not perfection) and with progress comes positive movement and grace.

You’ve got this, sister.

Love,
Irene

P.S. How To Forgive Yourself For Past Mistakes