January is a time of year where we are always reminded and pulled toward the feeling of self-renewal and a change in direction. However, I heard that only 8-10% of people will actually follow through on their goals and intentions.

Following through on our goals or dreams can be a struggle.

And here are 4 reasons as to why this might be:

1. You don’t know who you truly are.

Therefore, you might look to others to define who you are. If you don’t know who you are, someone else is going to tell you who you are. We also look at other people’s lives and think maybe our life should look like that, too. We might look at someone else’s romantic partner and think, “If only I can find someone like.” Or we look at someone else’s appearance and think we need to look like that. Or we look at someone else’s lifestyle and then decide if we are successful or not. We are comparing our lives with others. We are then trying to live a life that is not our own true path and trying to become the person we were not meant to become.

Every single person on this planet has a unique plan and designed in a particular way for a reason. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others and the lives they live.

2. Your goals are not aligned with your values.

We all have things that we prioritise in our life – things that we see as important. Our personal values is what we tend to dictate and prioritise in our life. So for example, when someone says, “I don’t have time to workout.” It’s not that they don’t have the time, it’s just not their core value. My sister who has a full time job, a husband and 3 kids, somehow finds the time to workout because it’s a personal core value – it’s important to her.

Let’s say one of your goals is to get fit, but it’s not really a core value of yours. But you have to workout because you fear for your health or you really want to lose weight. But let’s say that you value growth instead – somehow you have to find a way to join the two together. You could go for a walk while listening to a personal development podcast. Or let’s say your value is connection, you would rather socialise with your friends than workout. So find a way to join the two together – a pilates session with your friend and then go out for coffee together.

At the end of the day, when you have little time left, what do you choose to do?

Most of the time we will devote that extra time we have toward something of value to us – something that means a lot to us. Ultimately what we value will find a way into our schedule. (I go over values and getting to know yourself better in the Self Love Junkie PLAYBOOK – it’s a bonus from the Self Love Junkie book. Oh, you would like a copy, you said? Well, since you’re reading this post, I’d love to gift it to you. Grab it here).

3. You’re doing life alone.

It’s leaving out principle #1 the Spiritual part. We try to rely entirely on ourselves. And when we leave God out of the equation, we are missing out on opportunities – opportunities that come from an idea you never thought of before, creative solutions to your problems, it can be meeting new people and divine synchronicities. God places people on our path that can help us get to where we want to go. As spiritual beings having a human experience we need spiritual AND human support. We need accountability. There’s this person who wants to meet their romantic partner but they’re not open to the idea of using a third party for an introduction. He says, he wants to find her on his own. This is an example of doing life alone and the probability of meeting a wonderful romantic partner goes down.

4. Wrong focus. Wrong vibe.

When we focus so much on what we want, we can lose focus on how we’re FEELING and dismiss our behaviour. Things then become extra hard to attract what we truly desire and we get disappointed. But when we focus on how we’re feeling, our behaviour changes. At the end of the day, underneath our goals, what we are really chasing is a feeling. We think that a new relationship, self-confidence, more money, hot body etc. is going to bring us a certain feeling. “When I find my romantic partner then I’ll be truly happy.” “When I feel more confident, then I’ll be free.” “When I lose that weight then I’ll feel relieved.” and so on.

So ask yourself, “What feeling am I wanting to feel and embody this year?

Get clear on this one feeling….(love, freedom, trust, happiness, peace, expansive, ease, etc.) and write it down or record it on your phone. Use this word as a reminder to yourself every day so that when you get triggered or disappointed, it’s an opportunity to change your reaction and embody your feeling.

This is where real change is going to occur.

So for example, my feeling word for this year is Trust. So whenever I get triggered, I will ask myself, “How can I get into Trust right now?”

And sometimes when we are really triggered, it’s hard to immediately shift gears and get into the feelings of love, peace, or gratitude and the only way out is to come into acceptance – acceptance with what is.

For example, I had email issues and I was working with my tech guy to get it fixed and I noticed myself getting into my program of reacting in a frustrated and angry way. I stopped myself and said, “Irene, this is your past self reacting. This isn’t who you truly are. This is going to get solved. It always does. Yes, it’s wasting your time but this is what’s in front of you right now.” I took a few deep breaths, calmed myself down and of course it all got solved.

Basically, When we are in the vibe of anger, anxiousness, fear, and so on, we are not open to answers or to another avenue and we can block divine guidance.

When we are able to come into acceptance, we’re also opening up to solutions. It is IN BETWEEN STIMULUS AND RESPONSE where we’re breaking a habit.

When we are triggered in the present, it’s only conditioning, a programme of reacting and an opportunity to heal and change your reaction.

Anytime we’re triggered we want to ask ourselves, “What is this reminding me of?” and that gives you clarity where the healing is.

Get clear on the lessons. The best way to not relive the same challenges is to learn the lessons. For example, you were in a relationship that was toxic, a lesson you learned was self-worth and that you know you deserve better.

If you can stop the old programming, you are setting yourself up for positive change and different results.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or confused around your intentions or goals, consider looking at your feelings.

What keeps tugging at your heart?

Reflection questions:

1. What FEELING do I want to experience more of this year?

2. What needs to change in my life so that I can feel (embody) that feeling every day?

3. What is one small step that I can take to help me bring a change in my life that will better reflect the light that resides within me?

Share your one feeling with me in the comments below for support and accountability!


Pic: Wildfox